Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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