I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
