It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
