I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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