If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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