it hurts more in the daytime
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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