she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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