So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
