Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
