what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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