I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
