Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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