i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
