They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
