Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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