i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My vagina is officially offended.
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