They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
