hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit