i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks