Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

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  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
  Replies (16) Good night (3221) Bad night (575)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh. He liked you.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."

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  (970): Oh. He liked you. (970): Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado." http://tfl.nu/je5x
  Replies (22) Good night (1209) Bad night (3360)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!

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  (480): FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her! http://tfl.nu/hjc1
  Replies (27) Good night (2677) Bad night (1455)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  of course. lets lasso hookers.

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  (860): of course. lets lasso hookers. http://tfl.nu/i5g9
  Replies (13) Good night (4034) Bad night (779)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

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  (817): so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring. http://tfl.nu/hdeg
  Replies (30) Good night (5951) Bad night (1030)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.

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  (414): Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her. http://tfl.nu/4z7e
  Replies (12) Good night (4585) Bad night (1133)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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  (814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy
  Replies (13) Good night (2916) Bad night (2557)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party

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  (512): honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party http://tfl.nu/io10
  Replies (6) Good night (2193) Bad night (576)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom

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  (847): I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom http://tfl.nu/peqw
  Replies (8) Good night (1268) Bad night (2171)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal

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  (440): I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal http://tfl.nu/vouk
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (418)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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  (843): You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you. http://tfl.nu/p8ms
  Replies (2) Good night (510) Bad night (1545)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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  (903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc
  Replies (5) Good night (561) Bad night (1325)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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  (203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f
  Replies (6) Good night (485) Bad night (1059)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.

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  (330): We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages. http://tfl.nu/bck0
  Replies (3) Good night (629) Bad night (287)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?

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  (314): He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left. (1-314): So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home? http://tfl.nu/r5sj
  Replies (5) Good night (714) Bad night (254)

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