Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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