WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
