I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
