You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
