My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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