I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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