At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
