I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
