he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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