So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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