talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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