I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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