I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
