I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
