pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
