I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
