***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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