if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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