two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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