I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
