I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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