Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you have to choose: penises or morals?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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