my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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