New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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