from now on my penis is your penis
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
