please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
