the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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