I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
