you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
