"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
