The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
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The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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