We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
