We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
