Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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