i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
