Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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