My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
