It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
