After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
