So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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