My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
