I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You smell like stripper and shame
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
