FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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