You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
