It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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