My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
