Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
