you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
