I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.