She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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