I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
