I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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