i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20