is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.