I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.