theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.