So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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