Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.