I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
