I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's shark week go big or go home
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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