I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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