Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
