The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
