It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
