She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
