did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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