It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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