Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
this is an emotional support booty call
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
