I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
