im about as happy as oj after his trial
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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